Why do people choose the wrong partners for themselves?  Why do some people seem to perpetually date but never find the right person?  And how does someone find True Love?  Many people struggle with these questions in today’s modern lifestyles.  The difficulty people have in finding love is because they are simply looking in the wrong place.  You can understand this through a simple story from the book The Mastery of Love: A Practical Guide to the Art of Relationship.

Imagine that you have a magical kitchen in your home. In that magical kitchen, you can have any kind of food you want, in any quantity.  You never worry about what to eat; whatever you wish for, you can have. You are very generous with your food; you give your food unconditionally to others, not wanting anything in return from them. Whoever comes, you feed for the pleasure of sharing, and your house is always full of people who come to eat the food from your magical kitchen.

Then one day someone knocks at your door. It’s a person with a pizza. You open the door, and the person says, “Hey, see this pizza? I’ll give you this pizza if you let me control your life, if you just do whatever I want. You are never going to starve because I can bring pizza every day. You just have to be good to me.”

Can you imagine your reaction? In your kitchen you can have the same pizza—even better. Yet, this person offers you food, if you just do whatever he wants. You are going to laugh and say, “No, thank you! I don’t need your food; I have plenty. You can come into my house and eat whatever you want, and you don’t have to do anything. I’m not going to do whatever you want. No one will manipulate me with food!”

Now imagine exactly the opposite. Several weeks have gone by, and you haven’t eaten. You are starving and you have no money in your pocket to buy food. The person comes with the pizza and says, “Hey, there’s food here. You can have this food if you just do what I want you to do.” You can smell the food, and you’re starving. You decide to accept the food and do whatever that person asks. You eat some food, and he says, “If you want more, you can have more, but you have to keep doing what I want you to do.”

You have food today, but tomorrow you may not have food, so you agree to do whatever you can for food. You can become a slave because of food, because you need food and don’t have it. Then, after a certain time you have doubts. You say, “I need my pizza? I cannot live without my pizza. What if my partner decides to give the pizza to someone else—my pizza?”

Now imagine that instead of food, we’re talking about love. You have an abundance of love in your heart. You have love not just for yourself, but for the whole world. You love so much that you don’t need anyone’s love. You share your love without condition. You are a millionaire in love, and someone knocks on your door and says, “Hey, I have love for you here. You can have my love, just do whatever I want.”

What will be your reaction? You will laugh and say, “Thanks, but I don’t need your love. I have the same love here in my heart, even bigger and better, and I share without condition.”

But what will happen if you are starving for love, if you don’t have that love in your heart, and someone comes and says, “You want a little love? You can have my love if you just do what I want you to do.” If you are starving for love, and you taste that love, you are going to do whatever you can for that love. You can even be so needy that you give your whole soul just for a little attention.

Your heart is like that magical kitchen.  If you open your heart, you already have all the love you need. There’s no need to go around the world begging for love. Each of us has this love right inside of us, but most people don’t see or feel it.  For most of us, this unending supply of love is covered by emotional wounds, and in order to access it and express it, we must heal the wounds that keep it hidden.  The more emotional wounding you heal, the more you access this love and live with a “magical kitchen” in your heart and True Love in your life.  When you are full of love, it becomes natural to express that love—and finding someone to enjoyably share your experience with in life, if that is your desire, tends to take care of itself.

Toltec Shaman Don Miguel Ruiz is the New York Times bestselling author of The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom and The Mastery of Love: A Practical Guide to the Art of Relationship, which combined have sold over 5 million copies in the U.S. and have been translated into 38 languages.  He was recently featured on Oprah’s “Super Soul Sunday.”

His son, Don Jose Ruiz, who has followed in his father’s footsteps to continue the teaching of Toltec Wisdom to audiences worldwide, will be presenting “Activating the Secret Power of the Heart through Toltec Wisdom” on Feb. 11 (in Spanish) and Feb 12 (in English) at 7 p.m. at the Tucson Jewish Community Center. He will also present the “Mastery of Love Workshop” Feb. 14 and 15 from 9:30 a.m. to 5 p.m. at Lodge on the Desert. See ad page 3.

Excerpt edited by Dan Horner.